I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
