I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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