Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
