it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
