She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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