I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
