the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
