So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
