Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just cut my nipple shaving
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
