she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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