And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
