dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
