I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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