is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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