i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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