Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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