I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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