Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
