are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
