my mouth tastes like poor choices
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
