He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I want a musical about memes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
