There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
