just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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