1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
