honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
