if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
