Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
