So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
