i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
