god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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