It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
