you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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