these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
