At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
