I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
