the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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