He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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