I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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