FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
