Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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