I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
