i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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