The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
