Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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