He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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