fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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