I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
