"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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