U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
