When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
