You work out of a Hotel?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
