Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
