You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
