I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
