but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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