I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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