No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
