I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
