how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
