It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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