Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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