if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
