Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
